"Deci, cum te simti la 18 ani?"


This is to answer to all the questions „How do you feel being 18?”. 

Well, how Arw says, it’s long overrated,  life won’t become more wonderful because you turn eighteen,   people will still act hypocritical, kids will still die in Africa. So, im sorry for the darky view, but nothing really changes.

Some kind of endless, calm despondency flood over in all my being in the past few weeks. There’s nothing that hurts me, but I still feel sick. Like I just can’t keep in touch with the world outside. Disconnected. That kind of chillness given you by a narcotic. 

I'm laying on the window. The kids still play those noisy games. The sun – as charming as always.  Everything seems so far, like some silly drama in a cheap     theatre. I can’t play anymore.

A friend tries to cheer me up. I keep listening and trying. Of course, it’s not working, but I don’t wanna disappoint him, so  in you go. Look, a dead smile. Laugh and pretend.

It think  I have no more nerves, like all my sensibility’s  heads  have been dulled. Like some kind of  mechanic  thing is not working anymore, which was connecting me to the world outside. I dont have any connection with it and my inside is dead or sleeping. Maybe I'm tired of waiting. Sometimes I wish I was never disappointed, by anyone, or by myself. I still wonder how people just manage living with it. I miss so much seaside.  It’s the first time i feel like this, and God, how I wished for it. A numbness close to death, which I wished for as well. 

I have it now and I don’t like it, 'cuz now, there’s nothing I can either love or  hate.

So, kids, take care what you wish for. It may come true.



who you were


"Only kids cry like this, you know. Only kids' problems are bigger than themselves"